Parenting Styles and Our Children’s Self-Esteem

To start out, I guess I need to preface this post. I am currently attending university as a Child Development major. This last semester I have been taking a parenting class and one of my assignments was to do a research project on a parenting topic of my choice, and I decided to compile my findings on my blog. This may seem a bit random, especially compared to my other content, but I can assure you that this topic is very near and dear to my heart.

Before I get into this, I would like to say that I have immensely enjoyed this class! (literally ask anyone in my family, I talk about it constantly!) I have learned not only how to interact with children but adults, also! I wish that parenting classes were required before you have babies (like taking a drivers-ed class, before getting your license). I truly think everyone can benefit from familiarizing themselves more with how to love unconditionally and care for one another, which is essentially what parenting is. Now, I am FAR from an expert, but if you want more information about what I learned, or some good parenting books to read, comment below and I will give you my suggestions!

The topic I chose to research is, “parenting and how it affects and influences our children’s self-esteem”. Some people may be wondering why parenting relates to our children’s self esteem, at all. Shouldn’t the child be the only one influencing their own view of themselves? That seems reasonable, right? Unfortunately, that claim is completely unfounded. Although children can do a few things themselves (physically, academically, etc.) that may slightly improve their self-esteem, the main influencers are their parents.

I urge parents to not take this responsibility lightly. I feel like so many parents constantly worry and pray for their children to have high self-esteem, confidence in their own abilities, and a strong sense of self worth. But then in turn, do very little to help instill those ideals. They just wish it to happen, and hope that their children will magically gain it for themselves.

The first thing that I feel is important to note, is that children observe you all the time. They see and hear, what you do and say. You are always “on stage”. If you have poor self-esteem yourself, your children can sense that. You are their number one role model in life, and so for the sake of your children, and future generations to come, do what you can to improve your own self-esteem. Kind of a scary thought– but you are not the only one affected by your poor views of yourself.

So besides observation of their parent’s own self-esteem, another major factor that influences children’s self-esteem, is the parenting style that they were raised with. I will now take a moment to review each style.

Note: Some experts have different names for the parenting styles, but they generally follow the same outlines.

Authoritarian (high expectations/low affection):

Authoritarian parents are extremely strict. They have strong guidelines and rules set out for their children and they enforce those rules to the letter. They have high expectations for their children but show very little affection towards them. They are usually involved, but only to make sure that they are doing what they have told them to do, and to make sure they are meeting or exceeding their high expectations. Their love is defined as being conditional– meaning that the children will feel that they are not automatically worthy of their parent’s love and attention, but that they have to earn it in some way.

Permissive (low expectations/ high affection):

Permissive parents have very few rules– if any. They demonstrate high levels of affection, in the sense that if their child asks for something, they will give them what they want. If they want to go on that crazy spring break trip, go for it. If they stay out past curfew (if they even have one) they are not punished. Their relationship is that of a friend, not a parent. They are usually involved, but there is little substance, to that involvement. They provide no structure, which can be very hard on their children.

Uninvolved (low expectations/ low affection):

Uninvolved parents are not interested in the lives of their children. They don’t set or enforce rules. They aren’t involved and don’t show any affection. They don’t want to be bothered and are basically out of the picture.

Authoritative (high expectations/ high affection):

Authoritative parents are the ones to be! They are involved in their children’s lives and genuinely care for their wellbeing and will always be there for them. They have high expectations for their children that are clear and obtainable, but they will not withhold their love or attention, if their kids fall short of those expectations. Their children feel loved, cared for, and safe. Home is a safe haven for them, and in turn are more willing to confide in their parents with any and all issues.

Now that we’ve established the different kinds of parenting styles, lets dive into how they affect their children’s self-esteem. In all of the scholarly journals pertaining to this subject, that I reviewed, the results were conclusive and unanimous. Children’s self-esteem is highly linked to the way that they have been reared. Positive self-worth came from those that had Authoritative parents, and that self-worth helped them excel in many areas of their lives. Conversely, children with Authoritarian, Uninvolved, or Permissive parents, were found to have low self-esteems, suffered from more mental health problems and were more likely to get involved in drugs and alcohol.

One of the scholarly journals I read, reemphasized this precise point, and the importance of our children having high self-esteems, it stated, “This is important knowledge as according to the literature, [because] a high level of self- esteem, could be a buffer against such things as depression [and] should not be ignored. Educational failure, drug and alcohol abuse, vulnerability to peer pressure, eating disorders and possible suicide [can result from low self-esteem]. Therefore, research in this area is very important, and any knowledge that may contribute to the understanding of how low self-esteem can be avoided should not be ignored.” (Wolff pg. 55)

I know so many parents who feel helpless in how they can help their children grow up with good values and morals, and have them love themselves and others. With everything going on in the world this may seem like a daunting task. But as long as you show your children that you expect great things from them, and then love them unconditionally, and in such a way that allows them to do just that, then everything will come together. They will be able to have the tools to cope with hardships and struggles, and know that it doesn’t define who they are as a person. They will be able to say no to things that could be harmful to them. They will have an example to look to, of how to see themselves in a healthy and realistic way. And most of all, they will have a clear knowledge of the fact that they are of worth, and that they are truly loved, simply because they are someone’s child.

I urge all of you to keep this in mind, whether or not you have kids of your own, are expecting, or if you are simply a friend to children. The way you treat yourself and others is a big deal! Lets spread some love around and help build those around us. And if you are struggling with your own self-esteem, do what you can to see yourself through a different more accurate lens. Surround yourself with people who love you and see you for who you truly are. And  always remember, you are worth it all.

Stay beautiful,

{Taylor}

 

Resources:

DeHart, T., Pelham, B., & Tennen, H. (n.d.). What lies beneath: Parenting style and implicit self-esteem. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103105000508

Gecas, V., & Schwalbe, M. (1986). Parental Behavior and Adolescent Self-Esteem. Journal of Marriage and Family,48(1), 37-46. doi:10.2307/352226

Martínez, I., & García, J. (2007). Impact of Parenting Styles on Adolescents’ Self-Esteem and Internalization of Values in Spain. The Spanish Journal of Psychology,10(2), 338-348. doi:10.1017/S1138741600006600

Milevsky, A., Schlechter, M., Netter, S. et al. J Child Fam Stud (2007) 16: 39. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-006-9066-5

Rudy, D., & Grusec, J. E. (2006). Authoritarian parenting in individualist and collectivist groups: Associations with maternal emotion and cognition and children’s self-esteem. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 68-78.

Wolff, J. (2000). Self-esteem: The influence of parenting styles. Retrieved from https://ro.ecu.edu.au/theses/1535

Zakeri, H., & Maryam, M. (n.d.). Parenting Styles and Self-esteem. Retrieved from https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/82511596.pdf

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My Disney College Program!

Well, It looks like it’s about that time again for another one of my videos! I realize this is extremely long and I honestly, totally understand, if you don’t watch it all the way through. But I have had a lot of people ask me about my College Program experience, so I figured I would compile all of my footage together and make a video of all the good times I had. With that being said, this is not a totally accurate representation of what went on. I obviously didn’t take videos of me during rough days at work or having to get up at 5 am after getting home at 2 am from the previous night’s shift. Or me getting sick. Which basically happened ALL THE TIME. (Just ask my roommates!) But even with all of the “bad” things that happened during my program, I would not trade this experience for the world. I made life-long friends and countless memories that mean everything to me.

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(Erica White Photography)

But after everything is said and done, the good and the bad, I can positively say that wishes and dreams do come true.

Stay beautiful,

{Taylor}

Choosing to be Grateful.

This week has not been a great one, if I’m being 100% honest. I have not felt good, and have been quite stressed out with training at work and a few other things that life has thrown my way. I was up all last night coughing (My poor roommate probably hates me now!) and I had to get up at 5 am in order to make it to the bus on time for work at 7:15. Instead of calling in sick, I went to work anyway, and thought that they would just send me home… I was mistaken. Oh, and did I mention that I have only been trained for night shifts and they randomly scheduled me in the morning? (The restaurant is completely different from morning to night!) But despite all of these things happening, as I rode the bus home from work, I thought to myself, “Yeah, this has been a pretty sucky week. But you can choose to be grateful instead of bitter.” And then I got to thinking, and it is so true! So decided to put this in action and make a list. I am currently grateful for:

-All of the old people that I work with, who call me “sweetie” and who are willing to show me the ropes when I am confused on something.

-For Massimo the chef from Italy who tells me stories of his home country and encourages me to go there someday.

-For finally getting work pants that are long enough! (I have been sporting high waters for the last 3 weeks!)

-For the sweet bus driver who gave me a water bottle because I was coughing, and who made a special stop for me, so I wouldn’t have to walk as far.

-For FaceTime, to be able to stay in touch with friends and family.

-For the friends that I have made at work.

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-For my car at home. I miss it dearly.

-For my friends and family who support me and have not forgotten about me!

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-For the cute boy who works at the front desk of our apartment complex.

-For the Gospel. I look around at this different world down here, and I am so thankful for the knowledge that I have, and for the guidance it provides me.

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-For cough drops and Robitussin.

-For the opportunity to meet new people, daily, from all over the world. Like our LDS friends we randomly met on Splash Mountain!

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-For Chipotle and Red Velvet shakes.

-For my roommates who have all been there for me, in some way or another, and are always so willing to help me with whatever I need.

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-For the opportunity to work for Disney and to be able to go and play at the parks for free. It is amazing how much more fun you can have when you aren’t feeling guilty about how much money you have spent!

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-For this time in my life where I can learn to get through my trails with a smile on my face.

I know that there will always be something to complain about. But the other side to that, is that there is always something to smile at or to be grateful for, too. I personally, am choosing to be grateful. And I hope you do too.

Stay beautiful,

{Taylor}

A New Chapter.

When I originally started this blog I thought that I would be more of an avid blogger than I am. And I honestly don’t know why I thought that… I hate writing! If you don’t believe me, just look at my English grade this last semester!! (Don’t worry mom and dad, it wasn’t THAT bad… Im just trying to prove a point here! Okay?) Anyway, I’ve  always hated writing… Or so I thought.  I’ve recently realized that I actually DO like writing. But I like writing when I’m not being told to do it. I like writing when it’s my choice, and when its something that I want to write about. And that is something that I am starting to realize about myself a lot lately. That I like doing things on MY terms.

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I’ve always hated change. I am a creature of habit. I find solace in the mundane and routine… Well kinda. Once again, this goes back to the ON MY TERMS thing. When reflecting on my life I have come to find that most of the changes I had to go through have been forced upon me. Moving, changing schools, graduating, heck even puberty, were all things that I had no say in. And I am sad to say that at almost 20 years old, very few things in my life have been my choice. And even if it was my choice, I chose the option that people wanted or expected me to do. Like going to college. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very glad that I made that choice, and I am so blessed that I have even had the opportunity this far, but it is about time that I do something for me. And no one else.

IMG_7339That is one of the main reasons I am doing the Disney College Program. Yes, I am excited for the warm weather, the employee perks and discounts, making new friends, and being surrounded by the Disney Magic on a daily basis. But I think the thing that I am most excited for, is the fact that I made this decision completely on my own, and that I am taking control of my life and my future. I am finally acting, and not simply being acted upon. I am only this young once, and I know that this is going to be a pivotal point in my life. Florida won’t be a cake walk, trust me, I know that. It will be a lot of hard work. But it will all be worth it. Things are only going up from here, I can feel it in my bones! I encourage all who read this to seize the day. Take control of your life, and do what you want, not what others expect you to do. Because that is what I am going to do from here on out, my friends. And that is honestly one of the best feelings in the world.

Carpe Diem.

Stay beautiful,

{Taylor}

P.S. I will try to keep my blog updated more often while I am in Disney World to keep you all up to date on everything in my life! Just remember… Adventure is out there! 🙂

Get to Know Me… And My Blooper Reel!

Hello internet! So I have decided that it is officially my turn to try this whole, “blog” thing out. (Totally cliché, right?) But seriously, despite the sarcasm, I am actually super excited about this! 🙂 I always read blogs and watch YouTube videos and think, “I could TOTALLY do that!” And I know what you’re thinking,”Taylor, It’s harder than it looks. If it were really that easy, wouldn’t everyone be famous due to running a successful blog, or YouTube channel?” (Which btw, starting a YouTube channel with my sister is my next project! But back to the point…) And my response to that is, “Yeah, I realize that. But I’m gonna do it anyway. So…. There.” (I never was particularly good with comebacks) Either way, here I am, and there you are. So let’s get this thing started!

So, for my first blog post I decided to do a little introduction about me! But, I wanted to do something unique and a little different. As I was thinking about what I wanted to do, a thought crossed my mind, and I don’t know about you, but I am getting REAL sick and tired of people wanting to look nothing but perfect, on social media. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for proof-reading status updates, and I am definitely pro-filter when it comes to pictures, but I also want to make sure that at the end of the day, people know the real me. Which is FAR from perfect! So, I decided to let you guys in on my super exclusive “blooper reel”.

What is a blooper reel, you ask? Well, if you took any teenage girl’s cellphone away, and looked through her photos, there would be something in common with EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Selfies. And not just one. We’re talkin multiples. Of the same exact outfit, and the same exact hair, which to the untrained eye may look all the same. But they’re not. YES, they were all taken on the same day. BUT, there are multiple different angles, and poses, and faces going on! In some of them her hair looks good, but sadly her makeup is smudged. Another, her outfit is on point, but she has a slight double-chin happening. So, as a result, we all have HOARDS of semi-ugly pictures of us, that weren’t “good enough” to post, just chillin on our phones, taking up precious space!

So I am deciding to break free of this! I am posting my bloopers for the world to see! Some of these are of me extremely bored, or after a long night of studying or staying up too late, or me just being crazy. But I promise you, these pictures are more real than any of my profile pictures, or selfies I post on Instagram. So, for every fact about me, you get an extra little bonus blooper! I hope you enjoy, and I encourage you to post your own bloopers! 🙂

1. I know bits and pieces of 5 languages. I know a teeny tiny bit of Spanish, I know some Sign Language and some French. And I am fluent in English and Sarcasm.

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 2. I loved dark movies as a child. My favorites were: Jumanji, The Black Cauldren, and James and The Giant Peach. I honestly knew every word to all three of those movies, and I would probably watch at least one a day!

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3. I love cheese. I know it’s random, but cheddar cheese is just SO GOOD.

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4. Sleep is my drug of choice. If I could sleep all of the time, I would.

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5. My best memories, are of my family on all of our family vacations we went on growing up. It was always so nice to be able to relax and spend time with the people I love the most.

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6. I hate the sound that velvet makes when it is rubbed. And I hate the feel of it, too. I don’t know why, it just gives me the heebie jeebies!

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7. I love music and everything about it. I have always loved to sing and listen to music, and I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. Also, going to concerts is one of my favorite pastimes!

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8. I am the most indecisive person you will ever meet! It takes me forever to pick a movie to watch, outfit to wear, or what food to order at a restaurant. I am currently having a panic attack over what I want to major in, and I honestly have no idea what to do! I just don’t want to pick something and regret it after it is too late!

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9. I was born in the lovely state of Colorado. We moved around and lived in different parts until I was 12. Then we moved to Idaho, into the house that we are still living in, 7 years later!

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10. When I was younger I was OBSESSED with horses. I still might resent my parents a little bit for never getting me one. 😉

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11. I am a softy. When I was little my brother always called me a cry baby. And you know what? I AM sensitive! And that’s okay! (Example: I’ve cried during multiple Disney movies… Lilo and Stitch, Finding Nemo, Toy Story 3, And Up. But in my defense, who didn’t cry during Up?!)

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12. I am obsessed with France. I took French last semester and I know this is sounds crazy, but I feel oddly connected to France because of it. I am hoping to study abroad and have the opportunity to live there for a while. That would be a dream come true!

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13. I like even numbers. Part of that might be due to the fact that I am probably slightly OCD… Like it kills me a little inside that I graduated in 2013. Ewww. Such an ugly number!

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14. Tangled is better than Frozen. I might get some hate comments for this, but this isn’t even a fact about my life. It’s just fact. Proven by science… Or something.

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15. I will murder songs. If I hear a song on the radio that I like, get ready to hear it 500 more times! #SorryNotSorry

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 I hope you were all able to get to know me a little better, crazy faces and all! Once again, I am beyond ecstatic to begin this blog and keep you all in the loop with what is going on in my crazy, wonderful, blooper-filled, life. And hopefully along the way we can all begin to love the imperfections in our lives a little bit more!

Stay beautiful,

{Taylor}